I don’t pretend to understand or believe to speak for all Americans. Yet, I have it on good authority, just don’t ask on whose, that no one asked for a reboot of Roseanne.

With all due respect to Roseanne Barr, no one’s given a shit about her show since it went off the air in 1996 or whatever.

See? Her show means so little to my mental facilities that I can’t be bothered to look up a date when it left the airwaves

Following in the tradition of the reboots of Ironside, Coach, Bionic Woman, Charlie’s Angels, MacGyver, Uncle Buck, and goddamned American Idol comes yet another show that validates the theory that television executives have no idea what the viewing public wants for programming.

I’m not against reboots. My rule of thumb when justifying reboots to existing properties is simple:

  • Did the original show tell relevant stories and are they still so?
  • Are the creative team interested in why these personalities clicked or how the original concept and stories still applicable to society?
  • Will there be smart, thoughtful writing for the characters and audience?
  • Do a good chunk of people still think about the source show and revisit it?
  • If so, is it because of the first three reasons…
  • Are the special features on the DVD box sets anymore hefty than “Subtitles and Interactive Menus”…

Of those counts, the Roseanne reboot only checks one of those boxes. Based on my limited knowledge of Roseanne, the series was about the lower to middle class. You might know them as poor people.

There’ll always be members and families within society who are barely or not even getting by, whether that’s by their own choice or because some stupid politician believes a living wage or social safety nets only benefit parasitic moochers.

You can tell a lot of stories about poor people because some things on this planet (at least for the time being) will always be around.

Roseanne will air on ABC. The reboot is on shaky creative ground since ABC airs already a show about poor people: The Middle.

(A funny thing about the ABC’s half-hour comedy lineup is that it’s almost entirely made up of different cultural and ethnic families…) 

So why does this reboot exist again? Oh right, because new things are scary and not conducive to generating revenue! Of course!

Embedded below is the trailer of the rebooted Ironside from several years ago. I howled at it in 2013 and I still at howl it now. There’s so many hilariously miscalculated images and concepts that it’s staggering to think of the amount of people who could have stopped it yet never did.


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