I can’t fucking believe I have to say this again, but celebrities shouldn’t get to be president.

Being the Motherfucking President of the United States isn’t a fucking joke, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. I know you’re reading this.

In my first post on this blog I posited that celebrities who ran for president, with no experience in public office or service are sideshows, that the news media in-turn re-frames their candidacy as serious viable candidates.

Well, I’ve opened this field up to include wrestlers, which I honestly thought didn’t need stating.

If you’re listening, Dwayne, and I know you read my stuff: You don’t want to be the President.

It’s how you get Donald J. Trump, former reality show host of The Apprentice, one time wrestler, as the President of the United States.

It’s a lot of work and you wouldn’t be able to schedule your 5,000 calorie a day diet to maintain your ripped physique. People would call you far worse than a “candy ass.

You’ll be working 18-2o hour work days.

You won’t have your trailer to fallback to when the director calls cut for lunch. Because the President of the United States never gets a fucking lunch break.

If you haven’t noticed already, but I’ve hot-linked any instance of President of the United States  (see?) in this text to the Wikipedia page for the office. Because like I said, this job isn’t a fucking joke.

It’s a lot of responsibilities, if you can’t tell already.

You may be wondering what stick’s up my ass and why I’m such a stickler for formalities but it’s simple: I’ve seen Mike Judge’s Idiocracy and it could be our future, if it isn’t already…

I saw this film about a decade ago and it’s psychologically scarred me for life, because it could happen…

Here’s a quick recap if you haven’t seen this film, Dwayne: Society devolves in 500 years time, when the stupid outnumber the smart and they can’t figure out that sports drinks are no substitute for watering crops and that towing cables won’t save a structurally decaying skyscraper.

Oh, and a former porn-star/wrestler, named Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho (Terry Crews) is the President of the United States.

And in case you can’t tell already, people in this speculative-future name their children after soda and junk food. I told you this film is fucking bananas and I’ve barely scratched the surface…

In closing, Dwayne, please don’t file the paperwork to run for president in 2020. Because people might take you seriously.

And we can’t lower the bar for eligibility anymore than we collectively already have for Trump. The office and the people deserve better than that, even if they don’t think they do…


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